The tween and teen years bring new challenges and fresh opportunities to build independence and social awareness in children with autism, says Jamie McGillivary, Founder and Chief Innovation Officer of Healing Haven.
As a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, McGillivary encourages parents to recognize the marathon effort of lifelong skill building, leading with acceptance and respect for each child’s individuality.
“Recognizing the need for social skills from an early age is the first step. You’re laying the foundation for the teen and young adult years and, by staying actively engaged, looking forward to the next step,” she explains.
Why social skills matter
As children with autism age, their social interactions become more complex — and what’s acceptable at 7 may not be at 14. “A 7-year-old may love Thomas the Train,” McGillivary says, “but if you’re 14 and that’s all that you like and all that you talk about, it’s going to be hard to find peers that can relate to that.”
Expanding interests can help your child connect more easily with others. “In these cases, you have to intentionally and mindfully work to support them in preparation to help them lead an independent life,” she adds.
Healing Haven’s role
Families often come to Healing Haven seeking immediate solutions, but McGillivary says the clinical team is focused on long-term development. “It’s our job to have a roadmap and to see the wider and the bigger picture, to understand how the skills that we’re presenting today, tomorrow and the next day are all going to stack on top of each other for the future.”
For some teens, especially those who are more aware of their differences, the social pressures of middle school and early high school can lead to sadness or even depression. Healing Haven’s counseling team regularly supports families navigating these concerns, and McGillivary notes that families reach out specifically for these services.
How can you support social growth in your tween or teen?
Around age 7 or 8, all children can be egocentric, but kids with autism may struggle more with social reciprocity — the give-and-take of interaction.
“As children on the spectrum age, a basic reciprocity is necessary to be successful in most work environments and relationships,” McGillivary says. “If you don’t show interest in others, it creates a gap in relationships. Perspective-taking is a really big skill, and it comes with learning to stand in someone else’s shoes.”
Even when kids have strong functional skills, “if your social skills are askew, that can really hold you back,” she explains. That’s where ABA therapy can help, focusing on engagement and joint attention — early building blocks of connection. “It’s very important to learn to speak and gain other skills but engaging with the world around you is paramount at any level of the spectrum,” she says.
At home: simple ways to build social skills
Support social growth by narrating behaviors and emotions in everyday interactions. Instead of assuming your teen understands why something may have upset you, explain it directly and calmly using words that describe how it made you feel. This builds emotional awareness and strengthens reciprocity.
- Example: “I asked you to take out the trash three times and you forgot. When you do that, it really makes me feel disrespected. It makes me feel like you don’t care.”
Another effective strategy is using movies, books, or shows to explore feelings and nonverbal cues. Watching a favorite show together creates safe, low-pressure moments to pause and ask, “How do you think that made the character feel?” or “What do you think will happen next?”
As teens gain confidence, families may consider Healing Haven’s social skills groups — or, for those who need more foundational support first, one-on-one ABA therapy. The team helps families determine the right starting point for success.
How to encourage confidence and independence
Parents can model curiosity about others while respecting their child’s comfort zone. “The more we can provide a therapeutic setting where we are accepting of a child and also engaging into their world, the more likely they will be accepting of us. It’s important to sit in their space, too,” says McGillivary.
Social confidence often begins with simply learning to be “in the presence” of peers — watching how groups interact, noticing what others are doing, and beginning to participate. Many teens can demonstrate skills with adults but need support bridging those skills into peer settings. When they do, McGillivary says, it’s very exciting.
Social growth can feel slow and sometimes frustrating, but McGillivary reminds parents that progress always comes at a child’s own pace. Staying patient and persistent helps everyone move forward in a calmer, more positive way.
“Be thankful for each of those baby steps,” she says. “When you put them all together, they lead to something really big.”
With this perspective — and compassion — parents can help their teens and tweens with autism grow into confident, connected young adults.
This content is sponsored by Healing Haven. Their Madison Heights campus offers autism therapy programs for children, teens and young adults, with additional locations serving younger children across metro Detroit.
